My Journey In Accepting Praise

Ever hear someone compliment your work only to feel the undeniable need to deflect or minimize it? Like this...


Doug: I listened to your podcast. Really great job, Sarah.

Sarah: It's not as good as it's gonna be. I'll make it better. The sound quality is nowhere near where it needs to be.

Doug: Well, I liked it.

Sarah: That's nice of you to say.


I've been in so many conversations like this. And I've been both parts. Sometimes, I'm Doug trying to give someone a compliment who refuses to take it. And other times I've been Sarah, impervious to any positive thing you attempt to toss my way.

I'm grateful to report that, I am way better at accepting praise than I ever have been before. But it was a journey to get here. 

In my teens and twenties, I either diminished compliments out loud or I managed to say 'thank you' but tear it to shreds inside my own head.

The way I was able to break this habit was by really listening to people when I found myself in the Doug role. I would hear people talk their way out of accepting praise and it made me angry. Felt like they were refusing a gift. How rude!

Oh, wait. I do that. I refuse gifts all the time.

Okay, so what's the worst thing that would happen if I actually took the compliment and internalized it for what it is rather than grind it into dust?

Well, if I do that, then I might not feel motivated to get better and do better work in the future.

Wait, what? Accepting praise for my work will prevent me from making more better work?

Thankfully, I realized the ridiculousness of this logic. I like compliments. I like praise. Why would I refuse to accept it when I can use it as something to motivate me to create.

This realization was super helpful putting things into perspective, but the well-worn neural pathway to instantly deflect compliments like Neo deflected bullets in The Matrix was quick on the draw.

How do I interrupt that reflex?

Ready for the secret...

Breathing.

I'm not kidding. It's that simple.

When I felt the urge to respond quickly to a compliment, I trained myself to instead take a breath. Slow down. Wait for that impulse to pass, smile, and thank the person. 

Then, later, remind myself of what they said. Maybe even write it down. Spend some time focusing on it. Appreciating it and telling myself that most people probably aren't lying. 

A younger me would hear all this and roll his eyes. This is what weak people do. That's what I would have thought. But now I know that our greatest strength as humans comes from the connections we have to others. 

Accepting praise from others is one of the benefits of being a creator. It's awesome. We should own that.

Do you have issues accepting praise? What have you tried to deal with it? What has worked?

Stay curious!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Depressive Episodes"

I first remember hearing the term 'depressive episode' about six years ago. I identified with Depression since I was a teenager, but never thought about it as appearing in episodes. But it made a lot of sense to me. There are periods of time where I don't feel depressed as much as other times. Today I realized I'm in a depressive episode right now. This in itself is a victory, because three or four years ago I rarely if ever realized I was in a particular dip until after I was out of it. The fact that I can recognize it from within is awesome. I wish I could say I recognize them right away, but this one's lasted for at least a week and a half now that I think about it and I'm only realizing it now, so...baby steps. What is a depressive episode exactly? For me, it manifests itself in three components:  Lethargy ,  Apathy  &  Despair . Let's break those down a bit... Lethargy I can make my body do stuff like get out of bed, walk to the couch, etc. Dependin
Read more

Imposter Syndrome (aka The Resistance)

‘Imposter Syndrome’ is a term for a feeling that nearly everyone feels at least once if not thousands of times in our lives. And yet, it is largely misunderstood. So, let’s talk about it.... Any time we do anything that feels important and risks failure, it shows up.  When I create a class running order for one of my improv groups, for example, I feel like an imposter. Why? Because even though class usually goes really well, I still can't know for certain when I'm writing it out. It feels like a risk. If my classes weren't important to me then it wouldn't matter, but because my classes are incredibly important to me, the risk has stakes. And that's when the imposter feelings come out to play. Personally, I don’t care for the term ‘Imposter Syndrome.’ To me ‘syndrome’ makes it sound like a sickness or defect. But it’s neither. It’s a very natural part of being human. I prefer Stephen Pressfield’s term for it, ‘The Resistance.’  This name helps me see it as a universa
Read more